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What's this? Something about a corrupted DLL file. When I finally got around to hooking up the Dell and writing this column, I found that Microsoft Word wouldn't even open.
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You know, the one that was supposed to have all the stuff we needed right away? Last on, first off? After the fire ant fiasco at the border, that second van was held up in Florida for two full weeks. In fact, for quite awhile, it didn't arrive at all. Whatever the reason, the Dell that I've cursed and whined about for the last two years did not exactly arrive in pristine condition. Either I said it without the passion of the previous move or they weren't listening. I remember telling the movers to pack the Dell carefully. By the time they pried the keyboard from my hands, I must have been near catatonic. After a full week of solid packing and loading, I think I had developed shell shock. Was it my fault? Had I gotten lax over the years? I don't know. What happened to my Dell computer in my most recent move? In a word, everything. You can meet me at the destination and take it right from the van.” He was true to his word, and the Kaypro arrived in fine condition. I'll put it on the very top of the load, where it'll be safe.
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It'll be the last thing onto the van, and the first thing off.
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I pestered the van driver half to death, pleading with him to make sure it survived the trip. Years ago, I moved from Virginia to Florida, with my precious Kaypro IV (one of my favorites, and still precious to this day). What's more pertinent is the condition of my computer. None of that is pertinent to this column, but it will give you the general feel of where I've gotten off to, and what I've been doing. Some day, I'm going to write a book about the adventure, beginning with the cold shower my wife had to take because the rented RV's hot water heater didn't work (almost got divorced over that one), and continuing when it dealt us its final insult: the air conditioner failed in 102 desert heat. Every piece had to be separately fumigated, and loaded back onto a different trailer. The entire load was held up while the ant was captured and transported to Tucson for “analysis.” When his undocumented status was confirmed, the state made the driver unpack the entire contents of the van. I think my wife and I both lapsed into hysteria around the time that the moving van got held up at the Arizona border, thanks to a stowaway Florida fire ant. In my last column, I said what I felt needed saying about that tragedy, so I won't repeat myself.) Throw 9/11 and a war into the mix, and I guess you get the picture that this move did not go smoothly (I know 9/11 was more than a mere inconvenience to some 3,000 souls and their families. You expect to have problems, and you deal with them. In such a complex move, you expect the unexpected.
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At one time, we had vehicles spread across seven southern states, with drivers all frantically trying to reach each other by cellphone. Figure four more days to drive the vans, two cars, a pickup, a boat on trailer, another truck for the feathered friends, and a stock trailer for the hooved ones, across country. It filled one huge Allied van and overflowed into a second. It took the movers three days just to box up all our gear. It takes even more when you're moving an entire farm, complete with livestock-six horses, one bull, five goats, two sheep, 56 ducks (!), about an equal number of chickens, four geese, nine guineas, two turkeys, five peacocks, nine cockatiels, seven dogs, two parrots, and a 'possum in a pear tree. It takes a lot of logistics to transport a house full of furniture, complete with computer systems, office shelving, file cabinets, and so on across the country. What followed was one of those adventures of the African Queen genre, where everything that could possibly go wrong, went wrong. To pack my computer, they had to wrest the keyboard from my hot, stiff fingers. The last column you saw from me was in the November 2001 issue, which I was still composing as the movers worked around me. Regular readers, or those thorough readers who follow the changes in authors' biographies, know that I've changed venues slightly, moving some 2,200 miles from the Tampa Bay area of Florida, to the desert of Arizona. You might be surprised to see who ends up where.Ĭall this the column that would not be written. A move gone awry adds names to the list of Good Guys and Bad Guys.